its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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