Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
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I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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