My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
