loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dicks are not precious.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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