me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
