You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
