i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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