I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize