I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When are your genitals available?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
