Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
