Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
