We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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