Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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