who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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