barbara walters just said penis...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
