i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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