I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
