I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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