Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
