he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
