Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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