lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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