I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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