Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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