two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
zippers are such a cool invention
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
