yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
