There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
