I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
