i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
