This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
