i permit you to call me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
