Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
