Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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