god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
