Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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