And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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