Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
