smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
