haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
