It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
God I need to hump something, right now.
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