my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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