we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
