You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's blow job season.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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