I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
