Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
