Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
