is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
