I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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