They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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