Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
