My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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