I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Text me some of your sweat
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
