I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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