I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
