"it" just moved
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
PANTIES FOUND
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