no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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