Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
