This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
