i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
