how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
