I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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