so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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