If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
