I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
