He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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