This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
