There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
