the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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