i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
