Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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