thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yo dont text me then not text me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
