If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
