The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
