Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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