Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
