I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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