next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
