Got a toothbrush?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize