Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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