Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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