Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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